John William Sterling Journal: January-June 1862

Continued from:

John William Sterling Journal: October-December 1861

January of 1862

January [4] of 1862 – I am writing on the fourth of this month in my new room on the second floor, front room, at 81 York Street. For the past week, I have been skating nearly every night afternoon and morning. A young lady by the name of Holbrook (I may have spelled it wrong,) I was introduced to a few days ago. She is the half-sister of Mrs. Beach. I remembered seeing her at Mrs. Strong’s. about three years ago at a party, where I had the pleasure of going home with her and imparting upon her ruddy countenance one of those sweet kisses I reserve for moonlight walks. I had seen her several days upon the pond, but did not speak to her, although I expected to introduce myself as a former acquaintance. However, I was finally relieved by an introduction from Miss Harriett Sands. Since then, she said she had spoken to me last summer when with Annie Mortimer, but I had never recognized her. I suppose the reason was that in my endeavor to bow to Annie, I did not see her. The reason was that I always looked at Annie so much, was because I had flirted with her so much by kissing my hand from the school house window back seat, by shaking my handkerchief , by bowing my head, etc. etc. I apologized as politely as I was able, and have enjoyed myself skating with her. When I left, she expressed deep regret, etc. Curtis Judson, who happened to be present, said I made quite an impression upon her. He has associated with me a great deal since I’ve been skating; he seems to be exceedingly clever. I am 2d [second]. I returned to New Haven after an absence of two weeks. I skated up to the last two hours before I left. After Miss Holebrook’s affectionate farewell, I went up to the junction with Curt, and there, being introduced to the baggage master, rode home at 5:15 pm., where [there] was preparing, an oyster supper for my special benefit. I suppose I had had one the night before.

January 1862 – Thursday evening, I arrived at my new room about ten minutes past eight, having rode up in a hack with Cortelyou, whom I met as soon as I entered the cars. My new room looked cheerless enough, no fire – the stove on two legs, stovepipe in the hall, no lamp, no books, no pictures, finally, a barren room. Mrs. Leavenworth had gone to the lecture on the war by Dr. Sters of Brooklyn. I had no sooner moved my trunk in my room, before Ann (chambermaid) came up with a candle. We had bought the pipe which Stille and Page formerly had used, because our old one was not adapted to a different chimney. This would not fit the stove, so I had to work half an hour with a little “wee bit” of a hammer, enlarging the opening. I finally succeeded. I went up in McLean’s room then, to get my lesson for the morning. Soon, I heard Ann down below making up the fire. But although Mrs. Leavenworth had promised to have one ready at our return, when I saw Ann so good as to be making up my fire without being asked, I presented her with a quarter. Imagine her delight. I then, after 15 minutes trying to open the door into my old room, procured some books from it and with my lamp , sat down in a cold, damp, desolated room, to get my first lesson in Day’s Mathematics. Finally, I went to bed and froze all night amid damp sheets.

Friday – This afternoon, Clint came in, having just arrived from New York, having spent one week there. I think he is a little thin. We are studying the last part of Spherics, Day’s Mathematics, Prometheus, and Cicero de Officus. We have a new tutor, Vanname, one of the slowest men I have ever seen, but very smart indeed: He was valedictorian of ’58, I believe.

Jan 11th – This afternoon, Dan and I went out to Hamilton Park to skate. We were crowded into an omnibus with a lot of other crowded mortals. A great many of our fellows were out there also. Clint went. I found him there when I went, talking to Miss Bull. Soon afterward, Walker relieved him, and after a good while, I relieved him. I had a very pleasant time, I assure you. I am so glad the fog of yesterday has cleared away, so that the Mississippi flotilla can sail. Gen Burnside’s expedition is at Hampton Road too, almost ready for departure. General McLellan is almost recovered. Within a few days now, we shall have stirring news. Last Wednesday, I went to see Mr. and Mrs. Roberts, who appeared very glad to see me. Most all of her scholars went to hear Herman, the great “predestiginarian.” Mr. Mitchell came over this morning. I have sent home by him my bundle of clothes, a letter to Father asking if I might renew my declamation lessons, and take them, hereafter, of Bailey, instead of Booth. I suppose he will say yes, as before.

This evening, I am going to the Brother’s Prize Debate. It will be an exciting one, I can assure you.

The whole class spoke this last week. My Sub. spoke at 3 o’clock on Friday, yesterday. Mr. Bailey paid me a compliment.

January 18th – During the past week, a good deal of news has taken place. During the night of the last entry, Gen. Burnsides’ expedition has sailed, some of it, however, was detained on account of the storm at Fortress Mimir[?]. The land force on the Mississippi has commenced its march. The privateer Sumpter has again mysteriously turned up at Cadiz. Kate is at Uncle Holden’s, having reached there the early part of the last week. The 3 debates in the Brothers have come off; the other transpired a week last Saturday. Eaton 1st, Adams 2nd, Coe [?] 3rd, were the successful men. Everyone was indignant at the awards. No one had placed Eaton higher than the 3rd. Johnston ought to have had a prize.

In Linonia, the debate was awarded well. D. H. Chamberlain 1st, Day 2nd, Cresly 3rd. Both halls were crowded at each time, but Linonia, perfectly satisfied at the decision, made the Hall ring with clapping, whereas the Brother’s was only loud save by whisperings of dissatisfaction. So much for the Seniors. In Linonia Sophomore prize debate, Boyden 1st, Darling 2nd Gregory 3rd. Poor Gerry, where are you!

Dibble was to have spoken just before Gregory but as he did not have his piece, his name was passed over. Gregory was not in the hall and no one seemed to know where he was. The president asked if some one would call him. No one volunteered. Dan got up in a minute and went out. He was slightly applauded and soon brought in Gregory in his old clothes, who as soon as he had taken off his rubbers went square-oh and won the 3rd honor for himself.

In the Brother’s: M. H. Williams 1st, Borden 2nd Paine 3rd. Prof. Dutton, Dr. Cleveland and Dr. Osborne were the judges. Lyman had worked real hard and spoke very well indeed. He was the first on the list and everyone supposed he would take one. The only reason Borden did take the 2nd was by the clapping of his fellows and his good appearance. His argument was not half as fine as Lyman’s. Lyman feels quite low spirited. Sat [Sterling’s nickname for Satterthwaite] and Dan and I were treated by him down to Ben’s. I was the only one who took Coffee. I was bound I would not take cider, wine, or anything strong this term. It was a hard thing to do, but I’ve done it now.

January 18th – This evening, I received a letter of 6 pages in length from Kate, who is now at Uncle Holden’s, and one from home of 6 pages (2 from Father, 3 from Cordelia, 1 from Mother). I can assure you I felt happy.

This evening I have read Hamlet through and finished it at quarter of twelve. I was very much pleased with it, but do not think there is as much spirit in it as in Macbeth. Perhaps my sleepiness may account for it in a measure. I have also written to Kate and sent her letter home with one of mine.

January 19th – Sunday. We have had two splendid sermons form the Pres. today. The trees are breaking down with the load of frozen snow and hail and water.

January 22nd – I received a negative answer from Harper and Brothers today. The sun peeped out today – the first time in a week.

January 25th – My composition is finished and Clint is copying for himself. He was play sick last week and so has to write on the subject I do.

I never have seen such rainy weather. For one week and a half it has been inclement continually. The snow has turned into water which in the driest place is over one’s ankles.

Yesterday was a day of misfortune with me. I upset my coffee first, flunked under Packey’s 2nd, and 3rd fell down his slippery steps, and 4th was sick in the afternoon.

Last Monday, Dan and I went to hear Hamlet played by Davenport. It was perfectly splendid.

January 25 – Raining. Have written home.

February 8 – I am writing under the date of Saturday the 8th day of February, having just returned from a visit from Mrs. Roberts who showed me, after Mr. Roberts had stepped out of the room, the portrait of Pauline presented to her by Mrs. Soulè whose two daughters are at school. Mr. Roberts will not look at it. During the time elapsed since the last date, we have had rainy weather. The sun did not even [come] out (with one exception) for 8 days; it has not shown more than three days out of the month.

February 15 – Last Wednesday, Jim returned from Stratford, having been resticating there for about two weeks on account of ill health. He brought me a letter saying that Kate had started for Marcellus with young William Plant, who is all in navy clothes. I was utterly astounded. I don’t feel like anything more than mentioning the fact. I take lessons of Prof. Baily once a week with Lyman.

This has been an eventful week. Bowling Green, Intelligencer just says, has been evacuated. Mitchell’s troops are following. During the past week, Roanoke Island has been taken, also Fort Henry. Fort Donaldson is surrounded by 50,000 men who have already taken two rebel batteries. Price has retreated from Springfield.

Awful stories are going around about Brown, Teal, and Hoyt. The whole class are talking about it. I can’t mention the circumstances now. Tom Hewitt and M. H. Williams have been playing cards here tonight. I heard Everett, Thursday night, and admired him exceedingly.

February 22 – Today, our composition exercises were omitted, but we are required to hand them in on Wednesday. This is the most lively 22nd that has ever been known, since Washington was born. The newspapers are full of the demonstrations to be made throughout the Union. Every village has its programme.. I believe Old Stratford has determined upon something. The faculty had procured a flag somewhere – a beautiful one too, and behind them walked the classes in order, and we all marched before Com. Foote’s house, upon which had been erected a flag staff. Chamberlain of ’63 presented it to Mrs. Com. Foote who stood in the door with a cap of Union colors and she was replied to by Mr. ___________ [Sterling left blank, possibly to check the name and fill in later], the great financier. The daughters, we could see in the windows, decked in red, white, and blue.

The great preparations which have been made in Washington for the evening of today, [were canceled or diminished?] on account of the death of the President’s son, who was about eleven years old. [Born in 1850, Willie Lincoln died Feb 20, 1862] It is an unexpected and heavy blow. Typhoid fever, he died of. I received a splendid letter from home today. Father has recovered from his sickness and is now able to walk abroad.

Feb 23rd – Today is Sunday. Clint does not feel very well; and so, is going to stay at home today. He seems to have a cold that has settled all over him.

Feb 25th – I went after the doctor for Clint – His sore throat is much worse.

March – Within the last two weeks, Clint has had a severe turn of sickness. The doctor has been here at least 4 times. He has had a sore throat all the time, and a fever most of the time. One night, he was particularly sick. I brought him a pail of hot water from the kitchen. Mrs. L[eavenworth] brought him some hot water bottles and a warming pan which I vigorously applied to the bed. After he had soaked his feet, I wrapped him up in a flannel blanket and soon as he touched the bed, wrapped straightway the clothes about him, so as he should take no more cold. When he was thus nicely fixed in bed, I bolstered him up and held to his mouth 3 or 4 cups of hot lemonade, which Mrs. L had prepared, to get him into a sweat. He slept well during the night and was better in the morning. Since then, he has entirely recovered. He was sick one week and four days, during which time, I carried him all his meals, and did not attend chapel prayers.

Dannie Holden is in rather a lamentable way. As soon as he reached home, he was taken with congestion of the liver; then with dropsy. He can now be recognized. I wrote to him Wednesday. He sits up most [part] of the day. His case is quite dangerous although he does not know it. I have been down to ΓΝ [Gamma Nu] tonight – the first time this term. It seems as if they had a smarter set of fellow by far than we had.

It is reported tonight that Burnside is marching on Suffolk, Virginia. Also, that we have suffered a defeat in New Mexico – this is through rebel sources. I went up to Uncle Ogden’s today. I sent my bundle of clothes home this afternoon. Kate returned from Marcellus last Saturday. Wm Plant is in New York awaiting Uncle Sam’s orders. The next composition I have to write will be for the Prize. The prizes for last term have not as yet been announced.

April 11th – The President’s [Emancipation] Proclamation came out yesterday. It was a plan to help those states who chose to become free: It looks to a gradual emancipation. I think it is a very good plan in itself, but hardly feel confident it will work. I hope it may.

April 23rd – A good while has elapsed since my last entry, but I think I can account for my time. The pen I am writing with wrote 23 pages the night and morning before I left New Haven, which was the 9th of this month. It was my prize composition on the third of the subjects: “The Ground And Elements Of A Separate Nationality, Or What Constitutes A Nation” The first was “Heathen And Christian Ideas Of Providence.” The second was “The Black And White Races In This Country.” The fourth was “Milton’s Paradise Lost”. The 2 subjects for the poem were “The Phantom Ship In New Haven Harbor” and “The Myth of Prometheus.” I don’t know anyone, as yet, who has written for the poem. A great many persons have taken the 2nd subject; quite a number the 1st.

Kate came over to New Haven the 7th of this month, and stayed till Wednesday morning. I left that afternoon. Instead of going directly to Aunt Amanda’s, we took a little walk and talked over matters, and things in general. Among the articles of news I remember is this: Paul was quite sick with some brain disease.

That afternoon, Kate came down to my room (about 3 o’clock). Clint had started for Baltimore at 2 pm. The Gibsons were staying up to write their compositions. I shook hands with them upon the half promise that I would not see them in my room for one moment till ten o’clock. It was a bargain. Kate came up softly and I let her in. Every little while, they would come rapping at the door begging me to let them in, but it was “no go”. They said they had no fire, etc. etc. but “no go;’ I couldn’t write while any one was around. At 9 p.m., I escorted Kate to Uncle Ogden’s, and afterward went to see the Gibs, [Gibs is short for the Gibson Brothers] but did not let them into my room. When they had asked for a book (during my confinement), I told them I would give it to them if they would promise not to come in or look at me, which they always did. Thus I carried my rule to the utmost, bound determined that they should not know of my visitor – not even Mrs. L. would I let in. The next morning, Kate came tapping at my door softly, and I opened it soon to find that she had bid all the folks goodbye, half expecting to go home in the afternoon. Also, half, perhaps a little more, expecting to stay overnight with me.

I went to my dinner at the club, and for her, procured some oyster crackers, chocolate cream drops, etc. for a meal. We had expected to go to some restaurant, but the lateness of the hour, and the fear of being discovered, dissuaded us from it. At night, I commenced copying, writing, and copying, alternately. At 20 minutes of 4 a.m. Wednes, I went to my bedroom: drew all the clothes off of the bed and brought them into the study, and having laid them on the floor in front of the fire, rolled myself up and was fast asleep in a moment, but awake again before six, and writing or copying (I foget which now) at that time. Kate snoozed in the lounge from 2:45 to 6 a.m. At 6:45, my composition was all copied. The analysis was wanting then, which we soon composed, and at 9 (little before) it was in Mr. Hutcheson’s house. Kate went down to the depot at about half past 8 a.m. When I had my composition in, I went down to see her off and then met Mrs. Bull, Sally Carr, Annie Hanly, and 3 or 4 others. I was kind of mad at myself, because I had my old coat on. After Kate’s train was off, Mrs. Bull, Sally Carr, Annie Hanly, Miss Soulè and Cornelius Bull all walked uptown a little way, when Mrs. Bull and Sally Carr decided they must go to church. So Annie Hanly and Miss Soulè accompanied me, or vice-versa, to the New Haven Hotel where Miss Soulè’s mother boards.

May 8 – I returned to College yesterday morning at 7:45. I sat in a seat in the cars with Tillinghast. I shook hands with Packard and Jessup before I took my seat. My hand is very cold – I have no fire in my room and no stove: that was put up the end of last term. It is a beautiful day. I have just returned from the front of the Cabinet Building where I have been standing talking to the fellows. We had no recitation this noon because Hutcheson is attending a funeral, so we will recite for the first time this afternoon in Cicero. De Officus. Goodrich and Wurts happened to meet in front of the cabinet where a lot of us fellows was. Goodie says, “Wurts, you don’t want to shake hands do you?” Wurts replied “Well….” Goodie interrupts, his hand shaking in his pocket, “Well I don’t, I have been shaking like the Devil and I am kind of tired.”

Last night, Clint came about 12 o’clock. He had to knock like thunder before I heard him, and you see, I had locked the door, not thinking he would come before Monday, as he did before, last term.

Yesterday, there was a great parade and military demonstration here at the Inauguration of the Governor. I did not come over in the morning because I did not feel like giving away my last day to such useless and laborious sport.

The first part of yesterday (the 7th), I spent in repainting my engine (all red, save the grey pump). I set the box part on two horses, in front of the garden gate, and the running part, a little way from it. When I go home next term, I expect to stripe it to make it look fancy. I commenced making the box which is octagonal last vacation. The running part, I made this vacation. There is a great deal more work on it than anyone would suppose.

The first week and a half, I made myself useful in building our man (William, brother of Selina) a room in the shop. Father helped a little and didn’t want me to be so particular in my work. Now that the room is all plastered (by Stratton), you would not imagine it much of a job to make it, but I say there is a deal of work there. The beams overhead were too low, or too short, or were not level ,or something else. The boards would not fit exactly right; in fact, there was much to be done imaginable. I had been counting on doing it for half of the preceding time.[term]

I told Father if he would have [hire] a man to live with him, and not have [hire] one who would board himself, I would make the room. Mother thought, at first, it would be too much to provide for him, but finally assented, and I prevailed. Last year, we gave Ed Smith $20 per month; he boarded himself. This year we give William 12 per month and we board him. I know it will not take [$]66 to board him.

I was as happy as a bee while spending my time in this way. I worked till 4 in the afternoon often, and sometimes, until suppertime. I felt it was doing me so much good. My muscle has grown quite formidable. I really needed the exercise very much. After I had been working about 2 weeks and 3 or 4 days, first at my room and then at my engine, I went to Bridgeport on Friday night after the moment, only after I had painted my engine, and stayed till Monday night at Aunt Cornelia’s.

Sat evening, Rufus, Julia, and Kitten [nickname for his sister, Kate] accompanied me to the residence of the Stuart girls where I had expecting not only to see them, but Miss Hanly and Miss ______ [Sterling left the name blank evidently planning to recall the name or correct spelling and fill it in later,] from Mrs. Robert’s. The last two I did not see, but the first two, I did. The oldest played most splendidly on the piano, that famous piece from Burns, “Tam O’Shanter”.

Sunday I heard Mr. Smith preach. In the afternoon, I stayed at home and snoozed. In the evening, Kitten and I, Julia, and James, went to the Episcopal Church. I saw Mary Moore all alone in the 2nd seat of the church responding the loudest of any; so altogether characteristic of her. I saw Julian Sterling in church and had sat next to him. The way he became acquainted with me, or vice versa, I don’t care which, was this: He had often heard of Kate and wanted very much to become acquainted with her. He had understood, some way or other, that she excelled as much in beauty as in the fine arts, and had often teased the Bunnell girls to introduce her to him. Attempting to anticipate her arrivals, he had always been unsuccessful, and so one day, with harnessed horse and wagon (open) drove up to the Bunnell girl’s house, packed them in with his sister, Gertrude, and started for Stratford to see Kate. This he did; and was favorably impressed. Better I duly say who pumped it all out of him on the Bridgeport Road.

He talks about coming to college next year, all I can say is I hope he won’t. He is real silly, might be as he is called handsome by the ladies, but lacks that manliness which everyone likes to see. I should think his mind ill prepared for study. He says, and no doubt does, spend most of his time at the Sterling Hotel, and flirts with the young ladies, all very well in its place, but not worthy of so much time as he spends.

Monday night, I walked home amid the threatening elements; the second time I ever did such a thing – the first time I have mentioned doubtless in my other journal.

Last Tuesday, (day before yesterday) Issie Gould was at our house to tea. I had a severe headache, which has not left me yet, but yet felt like helping to entertain her. We played a rubber of Backgammon in the evening. I beat her, the first, gammoned her, the second, and was backgammoned, the third. In Siege, she beat me, the first; and I beat her, the second. I went home with her and the little heathen did not know enough to take my arm. So, without waiting to see if she might not possibly, as soon as I had let the gate slam and caught up with he,r was obliged to say “My arm, if you please” This was enough; I am very much pleased with her. She is very homely, but Mrs. Southard calls her a perfect angel.

Last Monday night, I came home from New York, reaching home at 7:15 p.m. After I had sufficiently seen the folks, I went into the Parlor and first shook hands with Sam Curtis, who happened to be talking to Kate by the Melodeon. The next one that met my eye was Louisa Wilmot. Her I saluted in a very cordial way, as well as, Jim Mitchell. I then sat in the large rocking chair and did my best trying to entertain them. In a little while, Sam Curtis went.

In a little while more, Loulou made a move to go, I also, and determined that a thing should not happen this time, which happened 2 years ago. I, at the proper time, offered my arm in the same language as above: it met with equal success. The affair I allude to was this. It may have taken place a year ago only; perhaps it did. Kate, Cordelia, Loulou, and myself were all at Mr. Talbot’s (across the street in Grandma’s) and it was very dark. Loulou and I walked along unconnected except by a lively conversation. I forget whether it rained and I held the umbrella, but at any rate, she grazed the fence and it made me ashamed of myself. Well, I do think that if a lady allows herself to be accompanied by a gentleman to her home, or anywhere, provided it is dark, she should slip her alabaster wrist through the loophole of his arm without an invitation. In the daytime, if a gentleman walks with a lady, it is improper to go arm in arm, unless in engagement bonds. But, if in the night they walk out, it is not only the privilege, but the duty, ,to thus go. In one sense, every man is an enemy to every woman; therefore, when the weaker takes the protection of the stronger, let her feel she has a protector, and in order that she may, let her take the proper method.

Well, a week ago today, I started for New York in the 6’oclock train all alone. The night before, Father and Kate marked out for me the streets I would have to go through. When I was ¾’s to New York, a man stepped into the cars and sat down by me holding a barometer in his hand. After he had questioned me a good deal, and had found out I was from Yale, he related, with a great many words and with as many “sirs” in his conversation as would be used by a profane man if he substituted them for “damned” a story about his nephew at Columbia College.

In a few words, it was substantially this: His nephew was very smart and equally ambitious. He stood far above his classmates in marks and was the expected Valedictorian. But Anthon gave this highest honor to another person who had risen with rapid strides from a low position as a scholar. This, of course, irritated considerably the nephew who determined not to speak. The Salutatory was assigned him, and he was obliged to speak on account of the persuasion of his Father. He did, but after the speaking was over, his father went to Anthon and had a very hard talk with him, threatening that his son yet should have would have the Valedictory. The one who took this honor in the interim, had been to the nephew asking him to accept of it because he deserved it; but no, that would not make it his.

His father then went to the other professors and showed them the marks as they stood upon the books. In a word, he brought it about in such a manner that at the Academy of Music, Anthon, before an immense assembly, was obliged to acknowledge his mistake and the nephew spoke the Validictory amid immense applause.

The man, on the whole, was quite interesting and I was glad to have met with him. His brother, he said, was with Mr Kneland in Stratford a summer or two ago. Mr. Kneland shot himself a year ago, if I remember correctly, on account of money difficulties.

As soon as I reached the depot, I took the 4th Avenue cars, and there, saw Curt Judson in the capacity of conductor. He would not take any fare from me whatsoever. He invited me to call. He skated with me a good deal last winter.

I rode up to 10th Street , I was so engaged in my paper, before I got out of the cars. I retraced my steps 2 streets and found Uncle Holden’s house without any trouble. I don’t remember whether I mentioned his death in my Journal or not. He died very suddenly about two weeks from the end of last term of Erysipelas in connection with the heart disease.

Dannie was the first one I saw. I was very much surprised to see him look so well after having the dropsy. He was quite white and not very lean. Aunt Catherine looked very thin; her body seemed to have shrunk from her dress in a measure. Kate looked as she always used to. Kate and Dannie are as lively as ever, and from their conversation, you would never expect a death had taken place in the family; although, Kate is continually talking about her father. She was getting his pieces (printed) and showing them to me. He certainly accomplished a great deal in his life.

I reached Uncle Holden’s at about 10 a.m., had lunch at 12 pm, and dinner at 3 pm . I believe I did not go out that day at all.

The next day (Friday) I went early (9 am or after) down Broadway as far as Ann Street and entered Barnum’s Museum and was highly delighted. It has been a good many years since I was there. The whale I did not think much of – not any larger than a good sized porpoise, with a hole in the front part of his body. Com. Nutt and his opposite, I forget his name, were quite amusing. The Com. is 29 inches high and weighs 24 lbs. I don’t remember how much over 7 feet the man with him was. The Aquaria were well worth seeing. Although it is very pleasant looking at all these things, yet, it is very tiresome indeed. I think it the hardest kind of work because it is exhaustive equally of the mental and physical.

After I had seen all I wanted to here, I stopped at Robert’s store, 332 Broadway. By the way, I should have said it commenced raining just as soon as I got to New York, and had not stopped yet. Luckily, I had brought an umbrella. I reached Aunt Kates in time for dinner. After dinner, I accompanied Kate to the chapel and heard Dr. Shedd, who has lately been called from Andover, as an assistant of Dr. Spring. We had a nice walk each way.

Contrary to our expectations, it was pleasant today – (Saturday) and Dannie and I went up to Central Park. This was the first time I had been there and I assure you I was pleased. There, splendid bridges of marble and iron, only one of oak, and all of such beautiful architecture completely carried me away. The grounds are laid out splendidly. Many of the countless trees are dead. O! I cannot describe it. We took a boat and were rowed all around the stream. We visited the Reservoirs or rather the lower one. After we had reached home we had our dinner and took a walk down 5th Avenue. It was crowded as it could be – Everyone seemed to be promenading.

The thought struck us then that we would have time to go over to see Thomas. Under cover of seeing him, but really to get a suspicious letter he had often promised me. As we had called in the morning, and now again in the afternoon, we thought it would not be polite to leave under the circumstances. We were invited in the parlor – the girl saying that he was in. His father came in and told us he was expecting his son every moment.

Byrdberger, and his daughter, Lottie, came in – I had met her in New Haven. They tried to keep us to tea, but did not prevail.

We reached home in pretty good season. I was all the time asking Dannie whether it was not too late for him. “O no, O no,” he said, and in this way kept my anxiety quiet. But when he reached home, Kittie first scolded him before he had told her where he had been, then Aunt Kate commenced. They did not find any fault with me, but made him appear pretty cheap in his own eyes. He cried several times; they got talking again in the evening and he cried again, and when we went to bed he went downstairs for something and did not get back in an hour and a half. He cried so loud I could not get to sleep. They say he is very proud and thinks he can stand a great deal more than he really can. He told me he was glad he had had the talk because he had taught and told them a good many things.

I forgot to say that I had all my arrangements made to come home on the 4:30 pm train, but when we returned home at half past 2 p.m., I found a letter on my plate from Kate saying that they would not expect me until the beginning of the week. Mother, before I went, tried to persuade me, it was my duty to attend church on the following Sunday when Cordelia intended to present herself to the church. Isie Gould was likewise-minded. Cordelia had been counting on my presence at the occasion and Mother said it would throw her completely off her guard. Kate tried to persuade me, but they did not convince me. I am not aware that I was obstinate on these several occasions, but I had a natural feeling against being looked at by so many people. It was bashfulness more than anything else, I know, and I told them that that was the only reason. I, of course, was delighted at the prospect of her giving herself away to God in such a public manner. Well, Pa had told me I must come home Saturday night, so of course, I was going to and should have, had it not been for my letter.

The Holden’s were delighted to have me stay. I could see, myself, that I did not make them any bother for I tried not to.. Their spirits seemed to be better too when I left, than when I entered their house.

On Sunday, we all rode (except Kate who had gone to Sunday School before the Church Service began) to church, and on the road stopped for Jim’s wife.  I heard Dr. Spring, and was very much pleased with him.  I think the church is very handsome; its beauty consists in its chaste simplicity.  In the afternoon, we went to Dr. Adam’s church.  I was rather amused with his style. 

He is very wordy, but is not that grand kind of a preacher I would prefer.  His church is very gaudy indeed.  We met there A.D. Miller.  I also met Hartwell Chapman, who has fatally made up his mind to go to Columbia College. 

In the evening I went down to 29th street and 5th Avenue Church, or rather to the Marble Church, where was being held the annual Bible Anniversary. I saw Robert Booth there, he had then lost the oldest of his two children, and day before yesterday, he lost the other, it is very sad. Charley Booth has not returned as yet for this reason.

As I came up, the newsboys were hollering out “Yorktown evacuating! Beauregard retreating!” The next day, (Monday) was pleasant, to our great satisfaction. Dannie and I started for the Brooklyn Navy Yard and walked right in. After inquiring for the Captain of the North Carolina, and having found that he was not in (for by the way, we I had a letter to him from Com. Sands which I had not opportunity to show), we went to the boat returning between the shore and the N.C. and having crossed, met a sentinel on board the ship who asked us our business. He said he would see if there was such a man in the ship as Dr. Plant.

He found we were not lying then, and he allowed us ingress. We soon met William who went all around with us. He took us into the buildings were they were making a new vessel, a large loft where 3000 men were making sail, a loft where nothing but small boats were building, into a building where they were melting iron, a building where they were boring shell to put a little tray brass screw in, into which they insert the fuse. We went into a great many vessels, and buildings, saw the Baltic off bound for the Gulf. We saw the Roanoke, which was built at the same time with the Merrimac. She has had one deck cut down and is about ready to be iron clad.

We took lunch on board the N. Carolina with William. He does not have dinner until 3 p.m. He has very pleasant accommodations. I saw their Lieut. Flagg, Acting Master. He used to live in Stratford. I wanted to get a chance to see him, but he was so busy with orders for a lot of marines about him, that I did not get the chance. I was very much interested looking at the guns, Dahlgren & Parrot’s, particularly.

Altho it was a beautiful day when we went over, yet, it was rather showery when we wanted to come away. Dan took Wm’s umbrella, and I went with William under a borrowed one out of the Navy Yard. Dan got his feet a little wet and we had to stand under miserable cover waiting for the Fulton ferry cars to come. They did. We bid Wm goodbye, and soon were cross the ferry. It had done pouring then, and we put with all our might for Jim’s store to dry Dan’s feet. After we had brushed the mud off our pants and half-polished our boots to avoid detection, we took an omnibus for 12th St. Dan had to take a little scolding then, not much. At 3 o’clock, we had our dinner, Jims wife was with us. Jim himself is up to Aunt Kate’s a good deal, and is going to move down with them with his family to Locust Hill. After bidding them all goodbye, I started for the cars and arrived at home safely.

I believe now I have written all about my vacation. I have been unwell during all this entry and that probably is the reason it is so full.

May 10th - This has truly has been an eventful week. Sunday night, news came of the evacuation of Yorktown, on account of the strategy of Gen. McLelland. During the week, he has been fulfilling his word, he is literally “pushing them to the wall.” The defeat of Gen. Lee by Gens. Franklyn and Sedgewick, assisted by the gunboats, was a bloody affair. I hope the whole rebel force will be taken, but I can hardly screw myself down to the belief that we shall be able. Gen. Halleck is only 2 miles from Beauregard at Corinth. New Orleans is captured after a very bloody fight. Baton Rouge is also in our possession. Gen. Burnside is moving on Norfolk, and is now at Weldon. A reconnaissance has been made by the Monitor. Naugatuck, Vanderbilt and two or 3 other vessels to the very nest of the Merrimac. My same sickness continues. I take [pills?] all the time; I think I am a little improved. I wrote a letter home tonight, one to Dannie too. The sun is very red; the west is a green reddish color, I should not be surprised if we had a thunder shower before long. Eddie Gibson has a little very large boil just below his eye.

May 11th – The redness of the sun, some account for by saying that it is the smoke from Troy, which burned almost down yesterday.

Today, there has been a very large fire on Long Island, consuming 60,000 acres of woodland.

May 12 – I had a nice letter from home today, after the receipt of which, I consecrated myself anew to the Lord. I do hope that within the coming year I shall have more peace of conscience. I mean more joy in believing. I know full well my trust is not great enough. I ought to think that God will save me if I only believe in Christ, well I know this and am sensible of it all the time; yet somehow or other, I have not that joy I know I should have.

Once or twice lately I have felt so happy, it seemed as if, then, I was near to my Redeemer. I wish I could feel so all the time. I am resolved I will be a Christian. I have thought so all my life and sometimes I doubt whether I have not always been one, and am one now. O! I wish I could exercise that Faith which I know Mother, or Kate, or Cordelia does, however, I pray for it, I am all the time asking myself, Do I want to die? I know I don’t, and I feel as if I was really a Christian, I should prefer to die.

I can’t help sometimes getting off a good joke, a little smutty probably, but I feel all the time as if I were doing wrong. I do not laugh at half of the jokes I hear, and I cannot but think I have been the means of checking Clint somewhat in his practice of saying smutty things. I do not pray enough or read my Bible enough. It is not always convenient to do either or both, except at morn and evening. I believe this is about the first time I have ever written such thoughts in my journal. I did not intend to make any remarks under this date, my new pen moves on rapidly tho now.

May 17th – Today is Saturday. We have had most beautiful weather for two weeks. I do not feel uncomfortable with two undershirts on, tho most fellows are sweating without one. The ΔΚ [Delta Kappa] elections came out about 3 nights ago; although they are not generally known as yet. I am sure Clint has one, for I woke him up when the fellows hollowed (sic) to him from outdoors. He went into the other room, having let them in, and in a moment, it was all over and he was in bed again.

May 24th – This morning while Charley Gibson was sitting in my room, and I had my feet up on the table, Mother unexpectedly knocked and walked in. She went up to Aunt Amanda’s to dinner, an almost unheard of thing, and called upon Mrs. Roberts in the afternoon. I crammed her all up upon Junior Societies. I also proposed to her my plan of taking a room in College. She was not overjoyed, I think. She seemed rather afraid I would be under a bad influence if I went at Brother’s.

Betts and Hyde (freshmen) have left ΓN. As I shall always remember the circumstances, I will not put them down. I was called upon to go down to an extra meeting of ΓN last Monday night, when there was made some instructive and eccentric speeches, -one especially by Kerr.

May 31st – This morning I went home; surprised all the folks who seemed glad to welcome me once more.

Continued at:

John William Sterling Journal: July-December 1962

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